A long Journey
by Amenadiel
Summary: A cartson story. Set 2 years after the show. Every one has changed especially Jack Thompson. This fiction involves speculations on what actually happened when Thompson fought in Japan. After one particular incident happened, the relationship between Jack and Peggy or Jack and Daniel have been changed. Some feelings are clarified; others are confirmed. Dark and sad.
1. Chapter 1

It was supposed to be just a normal night hanging out with other S.S.R colleagues after the day shift. After working so hard for the last two years, Peggy had won the respect of most agents in S.S.R and now they were even considering her the third in the line, after the Chief and agent Jack Thompson. Agent Thompson actually helped a lot for her fight to earn the spot in S.S.R. He had given her a lot of chances to prove her abilities and never shy to give her deserved credits in front of everyone. However, peace never existed long enough for this line of business. When they walked out the bar towards the cars, the nearest car exploded and Peggy was immediately put down to the ground while someone shielded her with his own body. The explosion was so loud that Peggy could barely hear anything. She felt the person who covered her started standing up so she could also get up from the ground and turn around to see who helped her. It was agent Thompson and he did not look well. His face was pale and there were stream of blood dripping down from both of his ears.

"Are you OK, Carter?" Thompson's face suddenly changed from worried to a mixture of happy and sad.

"I am fine. What about you? You look pale." Peggy started to worry about Thompson especially after seeing his face changed. She felt he realized something bad was happening to him and it was somehow related to her.

"Glad you are fine. I am just…" Thompson started falling down to the ground before he even finished the sentence. Peggy managed to catch him and noticed his back was soaked with blood.

"Agent Sousa, we need to get him to the hospital. Now!"

5 minutes later, they arrived at the closest hospital and Thompson was hurried into the operation room. Peggy felt tensed and uneasy. Something bad would happen. She started pacing around the waiting room and tried to calm down, but instead she was more nervous. Her intuition was screaming at her something was not right, but she did not know the cause. The last time she felt so helpless was when Steve decided to crash into ice.

"Carter, can you stop pacing? You made me nervous, too"

"Sorry, Chief. I just feel something was quite off, but I do not know what makes me feel like this."

"Thompson is a badass. He has survived the war and he definitely will survive this bomb attack."

"I know he will live. I saw him being hurt worse before, but the way his face changed just made me uneasy. He seemed to know something vital but I do not know it yet."

"Relax, Carter. He will be fine, so are you."

5 hours had passed and the surgery was still on. Peggy had a bad feeling that Thompson would never be the same guy again. He had changed a lot since they first met. At first, He was a sexist jerk who always took advantage of others and only cared about promotion. With more and deeper interactions, he started to loosen up of the badass cover and revealed his secrets and insecurities to Peggy. He became her biggest ally and supporter in S.S.R. He was the first one that believed her story about Howard Stark and helped her clear the reputation for both.

Agent Sousa came whispering to the Chief and Peggy saw Chief changed to his "you-are-so-dead" face. She knew they probably discovered some important leads.

"Carter, Sousa can stay here if you want to come with us."

"No, I want to stay. He did save me."

"OK, but do not blame yourself, blame the criminals who did this to us. We will catch this son of bitch. Nobody can hurt my agents!"

Another hour had passed before Thompson was finally pushed out the operation room. His face was even paler than before, which worried Peggy more.

"How is he? He looks so pale."

"If patient remind stable for the next 24 hours, he should be dischargeable after another 2-3 weeks bed rest."

"But?"

"Patient's ears have suffered from the big vibration of the explosion and both eardrums have shattered. Currently we do not have any method to fix this problem. Some doctors have suggested tympanoplasty as a potential cure, but no one has done this before."

"So he is deaf now?"

"Patient will suffer from hearing loss, however we have some newer and smaller hearing aid coming up this year. I actually know a few products that can be hid inside the pocket and they are not much more expensive than the previous version. If you need, I can provide you all the necessary information."

"How much hearing will he have, with and without the new hearing aid?"

"Without the hearing aid, probably not more than 15%. With the hearing aid, maybe 25%-40%. It all depends on the product you choose."

"What does all this mean?"

"It means he will have trouble hearing soft and moderate speeches if background noise exists. In the worst scenario, he will have trouble hearing loud speeches and understand them. I am not an expert in this field. I suggest you find a specialist after the patient is discharged."

After following the nurse pushed Thompson into his room, Peggy sat by his bedside. Until now she found out her hand was shaking. After seeing so many death of close allies in the front line, she should get used to situation like this, but apparently she did not handle this news well. She asked herself-why? Why was she so panic about Thompson getting hurt and lose his hearing? She should feel relieved because he was still alive after all. It may be because Thompson was the first one who actually decided to save her from the mess and she felt responsible for his current situation. But this answer did not seem right or not enough to answer the question. The sun started rising from horizon and someone will be here soon to exchange her spot. Peggy needed to figure out a proper way to tell this news to Chief and everyone in S.S.R. Or maybe she should not tell anyone before Thompson knew this? Maybe Thompson should be the one making the announcement? Peggy looked at Thompson's relaxed face and she could not image his reaction upon hearing this information.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

For Peggy, the past 48 hours resembled the nightmare that always haunted her during the war time. Her close friends and allies died in front of her and she could not do anything to save them. Seeing Thompson lying in the bed motionless just reminded her all those sad memories. After another agent came to take her spot, Peggy went back home and tried to sleep. However, her mind constantly flashed back past time when she fought with Steve, Dugan or Jack. Each one of them represented different stage of her life. Steve was the first person that looked upon her and admired her ability without doubts. He trusted her and inspired her with his great personality. Dugan supported her after she lost Steve and was always willing to help. Without him, Peggy could never join the Russia mission and started the journey to demonstrate her ability to S.S.R agents. Jack was a totally different story. He was intelligent and probably the best agent in S.S.R, but he was hostile to her for being a female agent. Then he revealed his dark secret to Peggy while they were still not close. He became less jerk and friendlier. Before Peggy even noticed, Jack turned out to be her biggest supporter and started treating other agents as equal. When she started to enjoy working with him, this bombing incident happened and Jack probably would never go back as a field agent again. For a proud person like Jack, it might be worse than dying in the mission. When Peggy realized this, she jumped from the bed and run to the hospital.

"Hi Peggy, I thought you went home."

"Yes, I did. I just could not sleep and ..."

"And worry about Thompson? The doctor said he is stable and may wake up in the next 30 hours. He is a tough guy. If he can survive dealing with you, he will definitely survive this. Are you staying? If so, I need to go home and sleep like a baby. We worked like crazy these past few days. When I arrested that son of bitch, I will definitely make him pay."

"I will stay. Let me know if you arrest the suspect."

"I will. Have a good night, Carter. Let us know if Thompson wake up."

Peggy felt someone was touching her hand and she suddenly woke up. It was Jack. He was also smiling like sunshine.

"Hey Jack, how are you feeling?"

Jack was still smiling, but it quickly slid into a bitter smile. He could not hear what she said. Peggy was annoyed how she could forget such important thing.

"Carter, that is fine."

Peggy held his hand tightly and wanted to comfort him, but she could not think of anything to say. She never felt so speechless.

"Carter, really, it is ok. I am fine." Jack tried to force a smile, so she would not worry so much. However, it only made Peggy want to cry more, but she could not cry in front of Jack. It would only make him more depressed.

"Carter, look at me. Look at me, Peggy." She had been avoided directly looking into his eyes since he woke her up a few minutes ago. She was afraid to find anger or desperation in his eyes. She was also afraid her own eyes might leak emotion such as pity that might hurt Jack. She was not sure how she actually felt right now. It was like a cloud that was too difficult to separate.

"Peggy, don't worry. Everything will be fine. I thought I would die in that island while my body got eaten by dogs or exposed under the sun. But, here I am. Chief and Sousa, they will catch the suspect, just like they caught you. The guy can't be better than you, Miss Union Jack."

"How did you know that name? Did you talk to Dugan? I told him to forget this codename. He never can come up with a decent codename."

"You finally smile. I love seeing you smile."

"Thanks." Dugan's stupid codename finally made her smile, but it was also harder to control tears when she was laughing.

"Peggy, do not be sad for me. You should be glad I am still alive. When we choose to be a S.S.R agent, we already give up our lives to our missions. I treat every day as my last day in this planet, so I can stop regretting my past decisions and instead work hard to make future better. How is the investigation?"

"I do not really know." Peggy intentionally slowed down her speed, so Jack can recognize each of her word. She could only guess whether Jack understand her words because she did not want to ask. She did not want Jack see her effort as help offered from superior to inferior. Peggy hated to be treated like a lower class than men and she assumed Jack did not want the same treatment, either.

"That is unheard of. The Peggy I know never give up any chances to demonstrate her ability." Jack's mock sarcasm made Peggy laugh. He always knew how to make Peggy's mood lighter.

"Peggy, go home and have a good rest. You looks like having not slept for 3 days or more. This is not the badass agent carter I know."

"But..." Peggy did not want to go home at all. But Jack easily persuaded her with all these valid reasons.

"Peggy, you will be sick if you do not get a good sleep. I am fine, really. Do not worry about me."

"All right. I have not told anyone who doctor informed me, so you can decide whether you want to tell others about this."

"About being deaf? I can't hide things like this. It does not work that way."

"Not necessary deaf. Doctor showed me a few new hearing aid that came up this year. They are small and can be hid in the pocket. You can still have some hearings."

Jack looked at Peggy, confused. She realized she spoke too fast for Jack to read her lip. Peggy looked around the room and found a piece of paper to write on. She even drew a picture of the new hearing aid model.

"Jack, do not lose hope, please."

"No, I won't. Thanks, Peggy."


	3. No more light

Jack was not fine at all about all these things, if he was honest to himself. Every time he went into combat, he always wished for two results- be safe or dead. Died in a war would at least earn him honor, peace and great compensation package to his parents. They would mourn him, but at least they still had his brother. His heart was broken after seeing his fellow men suffered from war related disabilities and he could not help them. When Jack first saw Sousa, he was almost panic but he managed to hide it so well that no one ever discovered that. Sousa reminded him Ace, one of his best friends in the navy. Ace was hit on the leg when they retreated from a bloody ambush. Jack and Ace were the only two who walked away alive. It took them three days to get to the medical point and Ace's leg had severe infection by then, so the doctors had to cut off his leg. Ace was immediately flew to the hospital in the other island and flew back to U.S. from there. Jack still stayed because he was not hurt much and they were short of soldiers.

That following month fighting in that island was hell to him. Japanese soldiers were willing to do anything to kill them, even when it meant taking their own lives. Bombs were everywhere in that island and a lot of his men died because of it. Japanese soldiers would also utilize children or young women who were asking for help to lure them into traps and they lost so many people that they were ordered to kill anyone who approached them, no matter how innocent those people looked like. At the end of the war, Jack watched how local islanders were forced by their own soldiers to kill themselves and he could not help them. He saw those local's desperate eyes and felt part of him died with them.

Although Jack came back from the battle unscratched, he was never the same person again. He went to visit Ace once, but the whole time he was thinking about that bloody ambush and how each of his men died. His hand was shaking and it was too hard to hide from Ace, who knew him so well. Physically, Ace lose part of his left leg, but Ace was also saved from the hellish battle in that island and can live his life peacefully and proudly. Jack could not do that. He had seen too much death in that month and some were caused by his kindness or lack of vigilance. He also did unforgivable things in order to save his men. He was so tired of himself being weak and nice which caused his men died. He changed to a result-driven person and was willing to use any method to get the intel from suspects. He already had so much sins; a little more for the good reason did not bother him at all.

Every time Jack saw Sousa, he would remember Ace and all the lives lost in that island. It made him want to throw up and scream and knock Sousa out. But Sousa was innocent and it was not war time any more. Therefore, he made jokes about Sousa's disability so he would see Sousa frown at him and he considered it as anger from his now disabled fellows for not visiting them. However, he felt increasingly hollow after the jokes, because he knew he should not pick on Sousa and he should get in contact with his fellows. It was just too hard for Jack to see them disabled and did not think it was his fault as a lieutenant. He should be able to keep them safe, but he failed at his promise and he himself did not get hurt at all.

This time Fortuna did not stay with Jack, but at least he kept Peggy safe. He finally managed to keep his promise at the cost of his hearing. He was scared for being deaf. He did not know if he could be an agent any more. Without his job, nothing could keep him from all the dark memories and nightmares. He would fall into the hell created by himself and probably never be able to escape. Jack knew if he asked, Peggy would sacrifice everything to help him, but that was exactly the last thing he wanted. He witnessed how hard Peggy worked to get to her current position and she deserved the recognition. She had fought in Europe and lost her love, but she was still a decent person and did not have any sign of PTSD. Jack understood PTSD was not a sign of weakness, but he could not stop thinking so by comparing him with Peggy.

Jack started to feel out of breath and his heart was beating much faster than before. He put too much pressure into his body who was still healing from the big surgery two days ago. In fact, he had only been awake for roughly an hour or so, but it felt like eternity


	4. Chapter 4

After a while, Jack finally felt better and could breathe without problems. His eye caught the door moving. Someone came to visit him. He did not want any visitors at all. He needed time to be peaceful with himself and did not want to be seen by anyone before that. He did not want anyone see him weak, although Peggy already did. The god must be too busy for his prayers, because the agent showed up was exactly the last person Jack wanted to see now. He never forgot his "jokes" to agent Sousa, nor did he ever forgive himself for doing them. When Sousa found out about his disability in the next few minutes, Jack was scared for Sousa's revenge. He knew a decent person like Sousa was not likely to verbally attack him right now or any time after, but he was not ready for that if Sousa rarely decided to take the opportunity for the payback. Sousa was getting closer and closer to his bed while Jack felt his hand started trembling more and more obviously. Sousa noticed Jack's anxiety, but he did not have any clue about what Jack was going through now.

Sousa started speaking to Jack, but he could barely recognize anything Sousa said. He became frustrated and realized how much he missed Peggy. If Peggy was here, she could persuade Sousa to leave or she may just explain the whole situation to Sousa. More importantly, he felt more peaceful if Peggy was here. But she wasn't and he had to face the situation.

"Sousa, stop. Just… stop." Based on Sousa's expression, Jack knew his words were much harsher than he wanted it to be. When he could not hear his own words, it was hard to control the volume or the emotion embedded.

"Sorry, Sousa. Just don't say anything now." Jack covered his face with his hands. The frustration started to build within his chest, but he could not lash it out to Sousa. He should not do it to anyone, but he almost reached the breaking point.

When Jack looked at Sousa again, Sousa was genuinely worried about him. He felt worse for making Sousa worry and decided to tell him the truth. Secrets always made his life miserable.

"Sousa, I need to tell you something. You may already notice it. I am …. I lost part of hearing during the bomb. Actually, quite significant part of my hearing. Sorry if I am rude today. I just need some time to…recognize the fact."

Sousa nodded and searched his bag for paper and pen. When he found one, he started to write.

"Everyone got frustrated when they got hurt."

It was nice to have Sousa trying to comfort him when he treated him so miserably in the past.

"To be honest, I never expect you or Carter to be so nice to me. You are decent people, sometimes too nice to be in this line of business. Sousa, you have to be tough in the interrogation room in order to extract information. You have great observations and with the right attitude, you will be the best agent besides Carter. Carter has no problem of being tough, but sometimes she was too busy being tough to notice some little details that could change everything. You can help her with that part. You two will be the best partner in S.S.R. I have faith in both of you."

"Thompson, I disliked you at first, but we all witnessed your change. I can understand you better now." The next few sentences were crossed off. Apparently, Sousa changed his mind when Jack was speaking.

"Wait, Thompson. Why do I feel like you are leaving us behind? Don't make decisions now."

"Sousa, I can't go back to S.S.R. I am no longer useful to S.S.R. It may be brutal, but it is a fact we can't deny. With your crutch, you can still investigate and go on less physical mission. But what can I do without my hearing? Missions are impossible because I can't communicate with others and that will just put everyone in danger. It is time for me to retire from being active agent. I am just tired of fighting. It is getting harder to keep my demon inside when I deal with enemy every day in S.S.R."

"Jack, I have the same feeling when my leg was cut, but it still worked out for me at the end. There is a way to deal with your situation. You will always be helpful for S.S.R. You understand people quite well and we can use it to break down suspects much faster than our own. We always need your talent."

Jack laughed at Sousa's comments bitterly. He knew Sousa tried to encourage him and made him feel useful, but it actually hurt more. If Sousa had stayed in the hell in a month and fought hard to climb up, he would have the same sharp knowledge of humanity as him. Jack did not intend to belittle Sousa's experience in the battle, but his battle was one of the most brutal battles and no one, even Sousa, could understand his suffering. Sometimes when Jack was in the worst PTSD moment, he envied Sousa because everyone knew what war did to him. No one knew or understood what war did to him. Peggy somehow knew a little, but he never told her the whole story. He just could not tell anyone his experience. It was too painful to recall the memories. Now, he just could not maintain the cover of a strong S.S.R agent. At least, not in his current state.

"Jack, learn to share. You will feel much better. Let us help."

He smiled, but he declined Sousa's suggestions. If he ever told them the story, he would only make Sousa and Peggy felt miserable. He did not know whether he would be able to start telling the story. The memories had been suppressed so deeply down in his heart. If he released the pressure and let the demon out; he might lose his sanity or even take his own life in the process. It would be an easy way out for him, but it would hurt Peggy and Sousa deeply and they would have to carry this burden for all their lives. They deserved much better than this.

Sousa sighed and continued writing his responses. He understood why Jack kept everything to himself, but he desperately wanted to help. He did not want anything happen to Jack any more. He had seen too many tragedies when he stayed at the hospital. Once tough soldiers like Jack broken down without being noticed, things got ugly very quickly. They were gone before anyone could help them. Sousa would not let this happen to Jack, not after he trusted him to be the best partner and a dear friend in S.S.R.

"Jack, just remember we will always be here for you."

"Don't worry Sousa. I am not going to kill myself. I am much tougher than that. If I want to do that, I would do it the day I came back."

Jack grinned. He was grateful for Sousa's concerns. It felt so good when he knew someone cared about him and worried for his wellbeing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: Sorry for the late update. I lost my muse for a while. After reading so many great Cartson story, I feel bad about this one. Thanks for everyone who follow/favorite or comment, you just make me want to continue this story; no matter how unsatisfied I feel.**

Sousa was soon called back by Chief's emergency call. The room was quiet and lifeless. Jack still could not get used to the void, like no sound had ever existed in world. He covered his ears, trying to make the ultimate quiet more bearable. But he felt uneasy and somehow desperate by the lack of sound. He lost his sight once because of the heavy hit on his head. Although it was temporary, he almost went insane when all he saw was darkness no matter whether he opened eyes or not. He should have heard something with his ear, but he heard nothing and it felt so wrong. If his ears were cut off or disappeared, he might feel better about hearing absolute nothing.

Jack had no idea how to plan his future. Would he ever want to return to S.S.R? He was not sure at all. He loved this job of protecting innocent people even if it sometimes triggered his PTSD symptom. But now he did not even know whether he would be helpful. If he was optimistic, he would definitely go back and just tried to make himself valuable again. But he was never an optimistic person and he did not want cause more trouble. He also worried about other agents' opinions. He was never immune to them as he had pretended to be. In fact, he was quite opposite because he was disgusted by his war behavior and tried to maintain a good image to earn others' respect, something he probably did not deserve to. If Jack had to be bloody honest to himself, he would admit he was in the lowest point and as fragile as glass doll. If he was treated the way Sousa had been treated, he would break down and might hurt others.

But where should he go? Run back to his parents and ask for a job in the family business? They might have the pity to grant the request, but Jack would rather die than look at their I-told-you-so faces. His parents were successful businessman and money was the only thing they cared. When he told them about enlisting in the navy, they scolded at him and threatened to remove him from family estate. If he went back now, they would laugh at his disability and used it as a proof against his decision to fight in the war. However a tiny voice in his mind said they would not laugh at him and they actually missed him a lot. Jack started to remember how much his parents used to care about him even after he joined the navy. He had received lots of letters from them, but he only returned a few. He did not even tell them he came back from the war safe. They probably thought he was dead in the final battle since that was the last time he wrote them a letter. The war had ruined his personality completely. After he came back, he was numb for a long time. He pretended to have feelings like normal people, but he did not. The only time he felt emotion was when his fellow agents died. He felt torn apart when Li died in Russia because once again he failed protecting his men and Peggy had to risk her life for him due to the PTSD. He did not show anyone, but he cried that night for his failure again. He probably should write a letter to his parents and explained everything that had happened in the past few years. But he was afraid of their responses.

Peggy came back to the hospital after chasing several leads without any results. She just wanted to stay with Jack even she was exhausted. Sousa looked extreme worried after he visited Jack one day ago, but he declined to share more information except telling her to stay with Jack if possible. She wondered whether Sousa had come to the same conclusion. When she entered the room, Jack was lost in his thought and did not show any response towards her. She pulled a chair and sit close to his bed, waiting for him to recognize her patiently. She did not want to startle Jack by forcing her presentence towards him in any ways.

"Hi Marge. You are back."

"Don't you want to see me?"

"Of cause. I always enjoy beauty lady's company."

Although Jack was smiling, Peggy only saw sadness in his eyes. She lightly squeezed his right hand to show some support. She always wanted to lower down Jack's wall to find out the real him. When he did lower down his wall, she only saw fractured soul who tried to pretend he was fine and did not want to bother anyone else.

"Jack, it is ok to…. Show me. The real you."

Peggy saw through him once again. She was so clever that it annoyed him sometimes. Could this lady just pretend knowing nothing sometimes?

"Marge, what are you talking about? The real me? Are you indicating I am a fake Jack Thompson?"

"Jack, I am serious. No need to pretend you are someone else. I am ready."

"Marge, be careful what you wish for."

"Jack, you need to tell the stories. After what we have been through, I want to know more about you."

"Why do you want to know more about me? As my partner in S.S.R, you already know enough of me. Besides, I will not go back to S.S.R, so there is no need to know more about me. We will not work together anymore."

"Jack, am I only a college to you? Am I just a bloody college to you?"

"Slow down Marge. I cannot read your lip if you speak one mile per minute. You know I can hear nothing now!"

"Sorry, Jack."

"Marge, I hate hearing people feel sorry for me. Yes, I am defected, but I do not need any pity. Not from you, not from Sousa, not from anyone!"

"Jack, calm down. Breathe, please. I am not losing you. No, I cannot lose you."

Jack woke up again and found Peggy sat close to his bed. Her eyes were red and swollen. Apparently, she cried, hard, for him. He did not want to hurt Peggy, but in the end he always did.

"Jack, I asked Chief for a few weeks off, so I can stay here. I know you do not like this idea, but Jack, you need someone to take care of you."

"I may need someone, but I will not assume it is you. You are an agent and I need a nurse. I am not sure if your help may be beneficial at all."

Peggy smiled for his comments.

"No, Jack. You cannot escape me. I will stick with you until you are good to leave here. "

"All right." Jack and Peggy both stayed away from the topic they discussed before Jack passed out, but for different reasons.


	6. Chapter 6

It was dark. Why was it so dark? Carter remembered she should be at the hospital right now, but the hospital had a lot of lights. Someone was lying five steps away from her. She hurried to his side and found out this person was actually Jack. He was not breathing and he had no pulse. Carter felt her hand start shaking. That was impossible. She never panicked before. She could save Jack. She definitely could save him. Today was not the date for him to die. She searched his upper body for any damage, but found nothing. She flipped him carefully and his back was covered in a river of blood. The white shirt was red now. All she could see was blood and Jack would never come back ever.

"Calm down Marge. You are fine and safe. It is just a dream. No one is dying. Don't worry"

Carter felt a warm hand massaging her lower back and trying to comfort her. She realized what happened was a dream, but a very mimic one. She still remembered the desperation of losing Jack. Lost a soul mate was already hard. It took her almost forever to start accepting Steve was gone. Losing another one? She could not image the consequence.

"Did I wake you up? Sorry."

"Yes, you did. But it is good to feel my ears once a while."

"Good to see you smile. I will definitely miss it."

Carter moved up her head and caught Jack's grin, but it was not a happy smile at all. He was sad and failed to cover it. Sometimes she was amazed how she could always look through him easily ever after Russia incident. But now she knew the reason. He opened his heart to her, but she was too late to catch the hints. Now he was closed and decided to move on. She did not want to let him go. No, she could not let him go.

"Stay. Do not leave."

"Carter."

"I need you. I want you to stay with me."

Jack looked at her unbelievably. He never thought Marge would say those words to him. He loved Marge ever since they first met. He did not understand the feeling at first, considering how bad he was dealing with women. He was shocked to find himself open up to Marge about that pacific island, but he did not feel bad about it. He was never an open book, but Carter always enabled him to share more secrets. She made him comfortable, but he never wished Marge to return the feeling.  
The uncertainty in Jack's eyes pained Peggy. She reached for his hand and squeezed for confirmation. She wanted Jack to know exactly how she felt and hoped it would keep Jack from running away and throwing away everything he earned.

"Jack, do not run away. Stay here, with me. I want to be with you every step from now on. "

Jack pulled his hand away from Carter's and avoided her eyes.

"Jesus, Carter! Do you realize what you just said? No pity, Remember? No need to pay me back. You will do the same for me."

"I mean each word I just said. I will never spend my life just pitying anyone. I know I do not owe you anything. I am grateful for your choice to save me. But in the end, it was your choice to make. This incident just cleared my eyes and confirmed hidden feeling."

"Carter. I am… not ready. I am not sure I will ever be ready. I have too much burden. No need to waste your life on me."

"Jack, my life will be not wasted. I want to share the journey with you for the rest of life. I want to share your burden. I also fought in the war, remember? I am not a glass doll."

"Sorry, Carter, but your experience was like dancing Waltz comparing to mine. It was dark, desperate. I never thought I would make it or leave unscratched."

Jack had to squeeze the comforter to continue. His hand were trembling when Peggy gently put her hand on the top.

"I understand. I have friends who fought in Peleliu and he even said our battle in Europe was romantic. I really understand what you have experienced. Jack, you did not leave there unscratched. You are hurt, badly. The scars are unseen; therefore it took longer time to heal. But let me be a part of that process, will you?"

Jack tried to suppress the tears, but the mention of Peleliu disarmed all his objections and he was crying like a baby in front of the women he loved.

"My best friend since pre-school died there. His body was unrecognizable, but at least we could bury him. I feel ashamed that I live and others did not. I lost too much people there. All those young men died but I live."

Peggy did not say anything. She just sat there and listened to Jack.

"I cannot get attached to anyone ever again. It hurt too much to lose any more. I cannot suffer this ever again. Never, never again."

"I know. I know, Jack. I could not promise I will outlive you, but I will make sure the happiness and joy are worth of the pain. Can we try one more time, Jack?"

She planted a little kiss on top of his hand. Although he was still crying, he laughed by her action.

"Jesus, Carter. You made me feel like a young lady waiting for her date."

"Well, I am your date, although you are not a young LADY. I am grateful that you share all these information with me. It is very endearing. "

"Thanks, for listening and everything you did for me."

"That is what a girlfriend should do, right?"

"Thank you, Marge."


End file.
